Personal| Rare Post.

So i've been debating over writing this because I didn't think it really fitted with my blog and part of me wondered if it was a little bit too emotional for Threads. But I figured this is my blog and this is probably the most current and relevant thing going on with me at the moment. I also feel like it's strange me writing away as normal when I'm feeling so all over the place.

Firstly, I'd like to apologise to anyone that hates these posts because I have to admit I'm usually the one that screams at my computer screen 'pull yourself together!' but for today I will be one of those, just to explain why I have been so absent (more absent than usual) and to genuinely give a little update on my life.

So here it is, about a month ago my boyfriend broke up with me after a long term relationship with no warning or feeling that the end was inevitable. Although there had been low parts I figured every relationship does and I genuinely was so happy. But anyway that's how life goes I guess. It's hard because everyone knows someone that's been in this situation and at the time you tell them all these things 'thing's will get better', 'you deserve so much better', 'he's not worth it', 'you'll meet someone else' etcetc. The problem is, when you're the one left in that situation you suddenly realise that no matter what anyone says it's not what you want to hear. There's nothing you want to hear.

The past month has left me in such a state and I am still just physically and emotionally drained from everything. You start to question every other little thing in your life because it feels like the whole balance of everything has been disrupted and it's a frantic struggle to try and maintain something normal.
The main thing that's shocked me is how low I let myself get and how so completely alone I feel. Regardless of all the amazing people that rally around to look out for you and make sure you're alright it's like without that one main person you have no one.

I don't want to become one of those pessimistic people that believes relationships are pointless because they're not worth the pain you're left with, but it is starting to become something I just can't help but think about. How much is it worth when inevitably you're left feeling like this. Why do we give so much to one person with no promises or security. Everything has just left me in a mess and I'm still very much in the middle of desperately trying to figure out how to get out of this black hole I seem to be just living in at the moment.

So, again I apologise to anyone that's just read this and is now hovering over the 'unfollow' button, or is just screaming at their computer screens 'man up!' but this is my personal blog and this explains why there are some days where I just don't want to write or pretend anymore.


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